Saturday, April 27, 2013

Choosing Again

It's not all rainbows and butterflies. If you say you love Jesus, be prepared: there will be a test. Probably more than one. And the Enemy launches into full attack mode. It's really hard to walk by faith when you can't see the outcome. You have to believe the Word, the promises. They once seemed so real, but now they are blurred and fading.

Peace, love and joy has been replaced with sorrow, depression and anger. I recently had to make a decision about the worth of following Jesus no matter what. Without a doubt the hardest choice of my life. I'll be honest, the outcome was 51 to 49. I wish I could say that I said "yes, Lord" immediately, but it was a huge struggle and it's not over yet. However, I'm holding on to that 1% with all my might.

It took the words of a friend to tip the decision. Only God can make you happy, he told me. And these were the words of a non-believer! I wish he would believe that for himself, but I realized: how could I wish something for him that I didn't believe for myself?

I made the right choice, but now I want my joy back, the love I once had. I want to climb out of this valley of shadows. I don't know when I'll see the other side, but I want the peace that comes with knowing there is another side.

Pray for me as I navigate some rough terrain.