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These Things Remain

One year since the day I was born again.

The year has flown by and I cannot believe how different this day is compared to last year. The sweet taste of the Lord has faded, the overflowing joy has dried up and his powerful presence is no longer felt. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:13.

Control Freak

Ran across this conversation I had about God with a friend on August 2, 2011. Almost 1 year to the date that I was saved.

Rebekah

have you surrendered your life to god? your will to his? does he direct your path now?

Friend
im trying to let him. i cant say that he does 100% cause that would be a lie but im attemping to

Rebekah
you can't give up 99% of your life to god i know that. as long as i'm holding out 1% i'm holding out 100%. i don't love jesus

Friend
so what are you going to do?

Rebekah

i dunno. i know god has a plan for my life whether i'm on board or not. i'll prolly have to suffer a lot more
i tell ya...that would be amazing if you found jesus! gives hope to me

Friend
dont say that... it makes it seem like im past the point of no return

Rebekah
you just have a bigger impact than i would. i'm already a good person on the outside. it's my heart that's hard.

Choosing Again

It's not all rainbows and butterflies. If you say you love Jesus, be prepared: there will be a test. Probably more than one. And the Enemy launches into full attack mode. It's really hard to walk by faith when you can't see the outcome. You have to believe the Word, the promises. They once seemed so real, but now they are blurred and fading.

Peace, love and joy has been replaced with sorrow, depression and anger. I recently had to make a decision about the worth of following Jesus no matter what. Without a doubt the hardest choice of my life. I'll be honest, the outcome was 51 to 49. I wish I could say that I said "yes, Lord" immediately, but it was a huge struggle and it's not over yet. However, I'm holding on to that 1% with all my might.

It took the words of a friend to tip the decision. Only God can make you happy, he told me. And these were the words of a non-believer! I wish he would believe that for himself, but I realized: how could I wish something for him that I didn't believe for myself?

I made the right choice, but now I want my joy back, the love I once had. I want to climb out of this valley of shadows. I don't know when I'll see the other side, but I want the peace that comes with knowing there is another side.

Pray for me as I navigate some rough terrain.